Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Keeping Hope Alive

I've been struggling these past few days...
Struggling to stay focused
Struggling to smile
Struggling to remember the good things in my life

It's just way too easy to have a pity party I find
And this frustrates me no end...
"you have so much to be thankful for"
I find myself saying over and over again
"look around you"
I say as I drive through a predominantly
coloured gang infested...
drug soaked township on my way to work

And it is exactly this dichotomy of my life that frustrates me
The poverty and hopelessness I see around me
leaves me inspired to share my message of hope
but it also drags me down into a dark pit of gloom and self-pity

When I see boys as young as twelve smoke and drink behind a wall
and little girls dance suggestively just a few meters away them
I know what the outcome is going to be
And I pray for those little girls to be able to hold onto their innocence
for just a few more years
just until someone...
a teacher... an older sister... or cousin...
comes along and tells them there is more to life
More to life than smoking
and drinking
and boys
and dancing
and sex

"The children don't want to listen to us"
say my staff at work.
I share my story
and that of my grandmother with them
I'm doing what I can... where I can
In the hope that they will share that message with their children
But apparently pretty words can't compete with the good feelings
drugs and alcohol and sex provide

And my frustration and impatience sends me tumbling into a
deep dark vacuum
What good was my suffering if I cant help others lead a better life?
What purpose did it serve?

I feel a therapy session coming on...

Thank goodness for my support system!


SpiritBeads said...

It cannot be easy to watch without wanting to save them all, but you do make a difference! Hugs

Anonymous said...

Hallo Deborah,

Jy maak foto's uit woorde. Jou woorde blaas oor al die spinnerake in my siel. Ek is mal oor jou blog.